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It somehow manages to be more exploitative than an average episode of Law and Order: Special Victims Unit. “Agua Mala” (Season 6, Episode 13)A Florida trailer parker and a hurricane monster lead to a pretty offensively bad episode.There’s nothing redeeming in it, save for the fact that it’s just bad, not offensive, like some of the worse X-Files outings. “Sanguinarium” (Season 4, Episode 6)A bunch of plastic-surgery victims are dead, and it’s all due to witchcraft. “Teliko” (Season 4, Episode 3)A show that deals with race in a nuanced way could’ve handled a script about black people having their skin turned white, but alas, this is not that show. “Underneath” (Season 9, Episode 12)A man Doggett arrested for murder 13 years earlier turns out to not be the killer – he actually splits into two people and his other half commits the murders.If you thought Seinfeld ending with its characters on trial and in jail was bad, you haven’t seen this episode, where Mulder is put on trial for the murder of a Super Soldier.
He doesn’t even ask about the son of theirs she gave up for adoption. The only truly great thing about this episode is the ending, where the monster of the week sends Mulder a message on his cell phone that reads: “All done. “Trevor” (Season 6, Episode 17)Mulder and Scully are barely in this prison-camp episode with a monster that can walk through walls. At least Lucy Liu guest-stars in this episode, which gives it a few bright spots. “Alpha” (Season 6, Episode 16)You’re better off watching Cujo if you want to watch a story about an evil dog. “Kitsunegari” (Season 5, Episode 8)A really unnecessary sequel to the excellent episode “Pusher,” bringing back Robert Patrick Modell, the man who can control people with his mind. “Provenance” / “Providence” (Season 9, Episodes 9–10)The mythology episodes in season nine are really bad.Mulder and Scully go into a virtual-reality world, and it’s just as late-’90s/early-’00s as it sounds. Actually, that’d probably just be a regular episode of Freakylinks. “Jump the Shark” (Season 9, Episode 15)I’ve softened on this episode over the years.When it first aired, I resented killing off the Lone Gunmen as some sort of misguided “screw you” to Fox for canceling the spinoff series.Also, you’ve got David Duchovny back for the series finale in four episodes — you don’t get to kill off the Lone Gunmen in an episode without Mulder. “Schizogeny” (Season 5, Episode 9)A girl’s abuse at the hands of her father leads her to the ability to control trees. It’s also boring, cheaply made, invokes the Challenger disaster, and is reportedly Chris Carter’s least-favorite episode. “Shapes” (Season 1, Episode 19)I’m not sure why it’s so hard for anyone to craft a good werewolf story.Aside from Ginger Snaps and An American Werewolf in London, most attempts are as depressing as this episode. “Sein und Zeit” / “Closure” (Season 7, Episodes 10–11)Duchovny does some of his best work in “Sein und Zeit,” where Mulder’s mom commits suicide.
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So instead of answering questions about nine seasons of conspiracy — let alone doing something interesting with David Duchovny’s sole appearance in the season nine — the show basically recaps every mythology episode but pretends they made a lick of sense.